Lizzie for Free : a yogi's blog
The Free State of LizArchive for yoga teachers
The Yoga Body
Several years ago I was having lunch with a friend discussing our dreams, our goals and our passions. “What I really want to do is practice yoga all the time, and maybe some day even teach yoga”, I said, admitting it out loud for the first time.
“Yea, but don’t you have to be thin to do that?”, he replied.
And such is the way of the mind – to judge, to condition, to expect things to be a certain way based on what we see in the media, read about in books, or rationalize based on experience (or lack thereof). Yogis are thin, some people think, because to practice yoga one has to be flexible, health conscious, active and therefore healthy. On and on go the preconceived ideas about what it takes to be a yoga teacher.
It’s true, that some yoga teachers are svelt, flexible and in pristine physical condition, but that in itself doesn’t make someone evolved in their practice or teaching (though it can certainly help when it comes to practicing asana). While not all yoga teachers have been blessed with a genetic gene pool that makes the practice of yoga easy or natural, the empathy developed from practicing in a body that is not naturally flexible or ‘perfect’ can be a teacher’s great gift to their students; it may even contribute to one’s compassion and ability to teach.
When the asana practice is easy, what can one learn from the practice? How does a human pretzel relate to students who find certain postures challenging or even painful?
The philosophy of yoga says that we have been born into our families and our bodies for a reason based on our samskaras (past karmic imprints). This implies that we are not in complete control of our metabolic makeup, our shape, or even our overall health. Yoga philosophy says that what happened many lifetimes ago may just be germinating karmically in this lifetime, so we should take it in stride, do all that we can to treat others with kindness and compassion, and practice our sadhana. The rebirthing process into a human body is a gift – it’s an opportunity to work out our past karmic seeds and evolve, and perhaps even attain enlightenment in this lifetime.
Many yoga teachers have come to teach due to their love of yoga and the positive changes they have experienced in their own lives as a result of their practice. This implies that they had something that drew them to the practice to begin with, some type of suffering or seeking within. Through the teaching of asana, however, some yogis get sidetracked from their sadhana, trying so hard to fit into the image of what they think they should be as a ‘yogi’ that they become busy with ‘doing yoga’ instead of ‘being’ in their practice. These teachers may look and act the part, but observe more closely and you may become aware: of the ‘vegan teacher’ who is passionate about causing less harm to four-legged beings, yet rude and dispassionate towards human-beings; the ‘sadhu teacher’ who looks and acts the part of a guru yet is so caught up in being a teacher that they don’t know how to be a student; the ‘flexible teacher’ who is so busy with demonstrating the postures to their students that they are practicing the postures inaccurately and actually harming themselves. These observations are not made with the intention to judge, but rather, to remember that things are never what they seem, and at the end of the day, we are all doing the best we can in our human-ness. No one is perfect, there is no such a thing.
I was asked by a complete stranger (who happens to be a yoga teacher) recently if I was pregnant. I explained to her that while I have a son, I’m not currently pregnant. I added that I have a digestive disease that I’ve had since I was three that makes my belly appear bloated. “Yea, you have baby belly alright”, she said, ignoring my previous comment. “Pilates could really help that, and so could some yoga”. I decided not to tell her that I practice pilates twice a week, have been practicing yoga for 15 years. In truth, my ego was a knocked down a couple of notches, but it was a great reminder that we never really know what is going on with people, regardless of what we see on the outside. Not everyone who appears overweight or unhealthy is so because of their diet or their lifestyle, and a yoga teacher who asks a complete stranger if they are pregnant may not know enough to realize that not all people are created with a flat tummy.
My belief is that a yoga body is a body of grace, awareness, energy and confidence. Whether tall or short, svelt or round, a yogi is one who is interested in forging a positive relationship with one’s whole self. This means no longer identifying with the positive and negative aspects of one’s being, but rather, ceasing to view oneself with positive or negative aspects-accepting both in equal measure, in whole-ness. From the study of the yamas and niyamas, a yogis walks with grace and integrity; from the asana and pranayama practice, a yogi has a vibrant cultivation of positive energy. By practicing pratyahara, dharana, and later, dhyana, confidence flows. These are attributes I aspire to in my yoga body. What do you seek from your practice?
Death of a Yogi
Yesterday I heard that Jules Paxton died. My jaw dropped in shock; something inside me wasn’t surprised, but horrified at the same time that this was how his life would end.
I knew Jules for a period of time while he was living in London in 2008. He used to come to my classes at the Jivamukti London Studio, then became a massage client, and later, I designed and built his website.
My first encounter with him in my class was a little unusual. He wore his sunglasses at the front of the room and was pretty verbal and loud, making excuses for not being able to properly align or hold certain postures. Later that day when I found out he was a yoga teacher, I passed my own judgements based on his practice and demeanor, which in retrospect I realize were based on my limited understanding of him and my subjective opinion. Who was I to judge?
When Jules found out that I was a thai yoga masseuse he asked for a treatment, and this became a twice weekly event. Over this time I got to know the real Jules – sweet, gracious, emotional, at the same time broken, arrogant and insecure. He offered me a session with him and told me it would be the ‘best experience of my life’.
When it was time for our session, I met Jules in his living room, all dressed in white, for the first time in the role of the therapist, not the client. The beginning portion of the experience was a little bit over the top for me in terms of trying to get in touch with my emotions. I didn’t feel prepared to be so introspective. It was when the actual touching began that the wonder unfolded. Melding non-traditional massage methods and acro-yoga, I experienced Jules’ gift through his self-entitled ‘trust yoga’. It wasn’t being flipped upside down that got me (I’d done all that with thai massage and acro-yoga) but his ability to go deep into the visceral body to free up places of blocked energy in a swift, graceful and intuitive way. I got to see Jules at his best, and I feel so lucky to have experienced this.
Jules had an interesting and authentic life and path of yoga. He trained as a bodybuilder, had a vision of his guru at a young age, and was blessed to find him in Swami Muktananda. He spoke frequently of his guru and his five children whom he adored. He struggled with the work that he did, the pressure it was on his body and the demands of his wealthy clients that seemed to own him. His internal demons entangled with his extraordinary amount of passion, energy and drive could rub people the wrong way and was often seen as arrogant and demanding when he wasn’t treated with the respect he felt he deserved or given the answer he wanted to hear.
Whatever Jules was struggling with and however the world percieved him, his intuitive gift for touch and healing will be missed by his many clients. He’ll be missed as a friend, and most certainly missed as a father.
Blessings to Jules and his family.
Juice with Norman
Last week I experienced my first Yin Yoga class with Norman Blair which I found extremely relaxing and meditative. In Yin Yoga each posture is held for 5 minutes, giving the student plenty of time to surrender to any mental attachments or bodily discomfort. I have to admit, I came to class particularly tired due to lack of sleep, but I got the feeling that I was able to go deep (dare I say nod off?) into each posture before being pulled out by Norman’s relaxing voice.
After class I caught up with Norman for a juice and a chat.
FL (That’s me!): Norman, you mentioned stillness many times throughout the class today, yet the postures we’re constantly shifting and changing form within them. Were you using stillness as a metaphor for the mind?
NB: Yes, for the mind, and for life really. Yin yoga is about doing less. While there is constant subtle movement in the body in terms of energy and fluids, the aim is to stay and hold into physical stillness, not fidgeting, not thinking about escaping from the posture. Like when we have difficult situations in life. I know a woman who is getting over a loss of a loved one and she told me she needs to take on more work to get really busy to distract herself, and I was like, no! Stay with your loss for a bit and see what comes up.
I’m a hyper kind of person, I come from an energetic background and have experienced a lot, but my life is shifting now. I used to have a full-on Ashtanga practice but now I realize some of the things in the Ashtanga system no longer work for my body. Yin has helped me to get freer and take it easy.
FL: How did your yoga path begin?
NB: Well, looking at where I came from it’s actually funny that I teach. When I first started a friend took me and she said she never saw anyone as stiff and inflexible as me taking a yoga class. I took a beginners class for several weeks but I stopped going. Then in the summer of ’93 a woman I knew named Oz was doing the Iyengar teacher training and needed a group to teach. It was a small group in her front living room, it was great taking classes with her we had lots of attention, very personal. In the mid-nineties she went to Crete with Derek and Radha. So then she started teaching Ashtanga, and I followed her. I took classes with her until ’99. So first it was Iyengar, then Ashtanga; now she teaches Shadow. We all influence each other. That’s how I became vegetarian too, by being exposed to others.
FL: So, you’re a vegetarian – what role do you think this plays in the practice?
NB: Well, I think for some people it is healthy, and like most people I’ve moved in and out of various dietary practices. I have dairy now, I just love ice cream way too much. The yamas and niyamas set guidelines for us as practitioners, but I don’t think anyone can dictate what is good for everybody – we’re all different and work with what we have. At the end of the day, we should question the practices and make sure what we’re doing is really about living our lives as better human beings, being conscious of the consequences of our actions.
FL: When did you start teaching?
NB: I started teaching Autumn 2001 – Asthanga and general yoga. I went straight into teaching fulltime. I gave myself 6 months to see if I could financially manage and if I would enjoy it. Luckily I was well connected and at that time there were more teachers than classes. Now it’s the otherway around. But it’s not like you’re a footballer, you can keep getting better and better as a teacher. At 70 you could be a far better teacher than at 50 with a lot more insight and ability to inspire your students. For the most part I say to new teachers, don’t give up your day job. If you’re in London and connected, you might make it, but London is hard. It’s easier outside London.
FL: How long do you think one should practice before becoming a teacher?
NB: How do you define practice? I was practicing for 8 years, but I didn’t have a meditation practice when I started teaching. I would say in general 5-8 years. My joke is if you’re under 30 or come from a dance background you shouldn’t teach yoga. Of course that’s way too simplistic, but you get the point. We can learn so much about ill health, fragility and the life process with age and with working through an inflexible or weak body as a starting point. That authenticity needs to be brought to teaching. I’m a mentor on the yoga campus teacher training. Some people have only been practicing a few years and can get up into certain postures like handstand, but it’s a shallow practice. It lacks depth, and so will their teaching. Of course, some young teachers are excellent but I would guess that’s the exception. I’d also recommend psychotherapy for all yoga teachers to sort out things that come up in teaching and in the practice.
So many things in yoga are dictated by highly flexible people. I’ve heard teachers say that using blocks isn’t yoga and other kind of box-like thinking. For me teaching is more about having integrity, looking at how we can help each other in the practice and being more relaxed about defining what is and what isn’t.
FL: What is your daily practice like now?
NB: On a good day, 40 minutes of seated meditation, some form of asana practice whether it’s Ashtanga (primary, plus the second series, a third or half way through) or Yin Yoga. Some days it’s quite focused, some days it’s not. Ideally in a week I’d do Ashtanga 3-4 times, but I’ve been busy lately so it becomes more like 2-3 times, I go to a dogmatic studio for Asthanga. I don’t certain things anymore, I damaged my knee from dropbacks and so I ease off where I know it’s not good for me.
FL: Are there any types of yoga that you’ve tried and didn’t like?
NB: Bikram. I wouldn’t go to another Bikram class. I went to this class in Berkely with around 80 sweaty people in the room with a tiny teacher in some kind of strapless bikini muscling us through the postures like bootcamp. But then, I know someone else who is a homeopath who has been practicing yoga for years and only does Bikram and loves it. There’s no right or wrong since everyone is different. Just like I’d never say vegetarianism or ashtanga is for everyone. We all need something different.
FL: Who are your most influential teachers?
NB: I’m into loyalty and longevity. I think when you have a teacher, go the distance. Its like if you you change your boyfriend or girlfriend every 6 months you only skim the surface of that relationship. I’ve been practicing with Hamish since ’99, and I’ve had my ups and downs with him. I’m not an Ashtanga dogmatist, but I love the Asthanga system.
Sarah Powers, Richard Freeman and Judith Lasater have been hugely influential as well.
FL: Who do you practice with here in London?
NB: Consistently I go to Hamish Hendry and Alaric Newcombe. In the past, Alexa Harris at the Life Centre and Leela Miller. It’s so important to practice.
Norman has been practicing yoga for 17 years and teaching full time since 2001. He currently teaches at various locations across London, and will be on Indaba Yoga Studio’s faculty. For more information about Norman, check out his website.
Steps for students and teachers to help find the magic in the ordinary
This text has been edited from the Focus of the Month, January 2011 on Alchemy, graciously offered by Sharon Gannon.
These steps can be applied to asana practice as in life, to help find the magic in the ordinary. Key aspects include the focus on concentration and follow through of tasks, savoring each moment of the process to experience the extra-ordinary in the ordinary.
Students:
1. Follow the teacher’s instructions and don’t do complicated variations that are not called out or invited
2. Unconscious action: Don’t allow your mind to become distracted or unfocused on your what you are doing-be aware of your breath and your intention.
3. Opt for simple yoga clothes/mats/props over fancy designer ones, etc.
4. Don’t push yourself too far in asanas for performance/ego reasons
Teachers:
1. Teach with passion, not by rote as if teaching were just going through the motions
2. Don’t enter the classroom as if it were just a job-acknowledge that in this moment enlightenment could dawn for your or your students
3. Don’t become distracted, don’t multi-task while teaching a class
4. Don’t become disconnected with reality-pay attention to what is right in front of you: connect to the students who are in the room; connect to the music and how it relates to the class; enable students to do what you’ve told them to do rather than talking over them and distracting them from your instruction
5. Don’t strive to develop the most complicated sequences, stick with the basics just as you would to nourish a plant or animal to help keep it alive
These steps can be related to asana in the literal sense-staying focused on what you are doing, but also in a more universal application: your relationship with your life, the basics-what you eat, where you live, the other living things around you. Are you relating in a way that is enhancing or not? Are you getting so far-out that you are forgetting to go far in and pay attention to what is actually happening? As John Lennon discovered when he became a “house-husband” and spent his days cooking, cleaning and caring for his baby, “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” (from the Lennon song Beautiful Boy (Darling Boy))
Many times spiritual aspirants can think that they are becoming so focused on spiritual things that they not only neglect but become estranged from physical things. When this happens it actually pulls the person further away from their goal of spiritual enlightenment-the realization of the oneness of being. It also draws one back into the negative viewpoint of our culture, which has conditioned us to think of the physical as mundane and stupid and the intellectual as superior. We give the jobs of cleaning and cooking and farming to lower-class people, mostly women, and leave the jobs that are considered more important for professionals. Often times the practice of asana can also be relegated to menial labor-something you do to get in shape, as if that was less then any other activity a practitioner might do. So a teacher should use this focus to investigate the subtle aspects-areas that might get overlooked in a yoga practice that is based on the end goal instead of the process.
The message is to do whatever it is you are doing whole-heartedly, with complete involvement. Don’t stop doing your spiritual work in order to take a break to do your “other work”; to the yogi, everything is part of the spiritual work. I remember seeing how my teacher would wash dishes. Each dish he handled like he was giving a bath to a newborn baby. When he would scrub the floor he would get down on his hands and knees with a cloth to wash the floor by hand (I still find that this is the best way to clean floors). He would comment that it enabled him to fully be present in the task and that it then became a ritual which resulted in not just a cleansing of the dirt from the floor but also a purification of the subtle atmosphere of the room. I’m sure he was reciting prayers or mantras to himself as he scrubbed the floor; for him housework was a spiritual practice-a form of purification. When he was cleaning, sweeping or scrubbing floors he was concentrated on what he was doing; he was careful not to distract himself by also listening to the radio or a tape recorder through headphones. When he was cooking he was fully engaged. There would be no small talk in the kitchen; all of his focus was on the meal. It was, after all, an alchemical experiment, and he didn’t want to miss one moment. He never lived in a mess. His clothes were always folded and placed carefully, and he didn’t keep extra clothes that he never wore. He kept his possessions to a minimum-”more time to meditate!” he would say. He never did anything that he didn’t want to do; for instance he never took a job just for the money-”how could I, this is my life!” he would say. Often, due to financial demands he did take dishwashing jobs in restaurants, but he never perceived the job as mundane; he was somehow able to elevate it in his own mind. He was certainly the most dignified dishwasher I had ever seen!
When I started to stay at my students’ homes when I was traveling, I discovered that for the most part the students were very lacking in basic skills-they couldn’t for example cook a nutritious tasty meal for themselves, me or their dog or cat, their office areas were disorganized messes and in many situations I saw plants dried up, their leaves covered in dust dying in the same room that all of this so-called important spiritual work was being done! When I would bring it up, they usually answered something like, “I’m so busy doing yoga and teaching and running a center.” Because of that experience I recalled the “3 steps” that my alchemist teacher had taught me and felt it could have relevance to these people who had become students of mine.
Three steps to master before attaining enlightenment, which are by the way, basic to alchemy:
1. Cooking-You have to learn how to become a good cook
2. Cleaning-You have to learn how to keep the place where you live clean and organized
3. Gardening-You have to know how to grow, nurture and care for plants.”
Some thoughts on step 3: Gardening:
Many teachers, as well as students, may express the fact that they live in apartments in dense cities where gardening is just not possible.
The concept of gardening can be stretched to included taking care of anything or anybody-feeling joy in contributing to nourishing another and seeing them blossom-becoming happy and healthy. It doesn’t have to be that you have a plot of land in your back yard and grow lots of vegetables. You could have one rosemary plant in a small pot on your kitchen windowsill, or there may be a cat or a dog whom you take the time to feed well and provide for, thus improving their lives. That cat or dog may not even live with you, but perhaps with a neighbor, or perhaps the dog or cat is homeless and lives at the local shelter and you go and visit them once a week, volunteering to take the dog for a walk or bring them some special food.
When I lived with my Alchemy teacher, I also had a cat. Her name was Eva. I did not know enough at that time to feed her well. Basically I would buy the cheapest box of dried kibbles and sprinkle them in a bowl a couple of times a day. My teacher Randy would say to me, “She is your cat, she is totally dependent upon you, you say you love her, why not at least provide her with the best food possible?” I pooh-poohed him, as I felt I was doing my best. I wasn’t conscious enough to see his wisdom, but nonetheless he took it upon himself to cook for her. I laughed at him the first time I saw him kindly present her with a home-cooked meal that she graciously and enthusiastically accepted. But within a few weeks I saw her change and become much more beautiful, healthy, happy and vivacious.
The idea of gardening could also be extended to taking care of wild animals. You could feed the wild birds and/or squirrels that might live near your apartment, home or workplace-hanging a bird feeder out your window. Maybe your building doesn’t allow that, so instead you could feed the birds who live on the city streets, always remembering as you leave your apartment to bring a bag of organic seeds and nuts with you and distribute that food generously to the hungry birds and squirrels who are trying to stay alive in the midst of a city dominated by human beings.
The point is, gardening is about taking care of something or someone, deriving pleasure by contributing to their well-being and happiness.
- adapted from the text of Sharon Gannon, Focus of the Month 2011
