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The Free State of LizArchive for 30 day challenge
Learnings from Lizzie’s 30 Day Yoga Challenge
With the 30 Day Yoga Challenge over, there is a lot to contemplate. Originally planned rather haphazardly to extend outwards into the wider London yoga community and to break myself out of my preferences for certain yoga classes and teachers, far more came up than I imagined. As a result I have learned both personally and professionally, and even made a couple of new friends along the way. Most valuable for me have been the themes that revealed themselves in my practice as well as my personal life during this past month.
SANTOSHA
The word in sanskrit for contentment, or satisfaction is santosha. One of the niyamas, santosha is about being satisfied with things exactly as they are; not requiring any more or any less, instead, maintaining that everything is exactly as it should be. I’ve spent a lot of time speculating on this idea this month, as a yoga teacher and student, as a mother, as a human being. It’s so easy to find fault in ourselves and others, and often much more challenging to accept wholeheartedly what is. This is true whether contemplating the asana practice, assessing how well one has done one’s job, accepting the opportunities available at any given time, or one’s limitations. We are all doing the best we can given our current life situations, and, try as we may, it is impossible and debilitating to compare ourselves to anyone else. We are all unique.
VAIRAGYA
The concept of santosha has a direct relationship with the word vairagya, meaning dispassionate or non attachment. When we are content with what is, it is far easier to practice non-judgement, to remain impartial. When engaged in a critique of a movie, a piece of art, a book, or a yoga studio, there are always aspects that are primarily subjective, based on our own preferences and aversions, but there are also aspects that are more objective. One of the challenges in this month has been discerning the difference between the two and trying to be as objective as possible. As time permits me to read back on these posts, I may well have to glue my jaw back on as I discover just how opinionated I actually was in my writings.
SAMSAYA
The feeling of doubt is one of the nine obstacles to the practice of yoga as set forth in sutra 1.30 of The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. Samsaya means doubt, or indecision in Sanskrit. When we are uncertain about our path, who our teacher is, what we want to focus on in our lives, things become fuzzy, and we may end up floundering. For example, if you practice with two different yoga teachers and they each tell you how to practice a pose differently, this may lead to indecision and doubt about how to practice. This has come up often for me as a Jivamukti teacher and practitioner of several different styles of yoga. Lately I have had many doubts about my teaching and bodywork style, and have been indecisive about which way to evolve. This challenge has highlighted some of these doubts as I have practiced with such a variety of teachers and styles of yoga. One thing does seem to be clear, and that is which teachers and styles don’t appeal to me (or is that simply my preferences and aversions rearing their ugly head?).
SHRADDHA
The antedote to samsaya, shraddha means faith; knowing without a shred of doubt that there is something bigger, more supreme than yourself behind the wheel. This is the ultimate form of surrender, enabling the doer to come back to contentment and joy at whatever presents itself. Raised agnostic, I never had any faith until I began practicing yoga regularly, and because of this, my faith is very much tied to my practice. When I have doubts, when I feel I’m slipping into the role of ‘victim’, I use my time on the mat or on the cushion to bring myself back to the many choices available. Knowing there is always a choice is empowering, and working through negative mental subtexts with the optin of letting go is perhaps the most powerful choice there is. This month I have felt frustrated, at times even disconnected from my faith due to the change in practice mode. I have spent more time ‘doing’ yoga than practicing yoga, and it’s time for me to reconnect to my personal guiding light.
There is so much more to write, but I’m not publishing a book, it’s just a little blog post. Having said this, its about to get a few words longer still because I wanted to also briefly mention ASMITA, the ego. We all have one, and more than once I felt mine flair in judgement mode about a teacher’s style or particular yoga studio. I have also spent time questioning ‘who am I’ to judge or critique another teacher’s class. I never intended this to be a critique, but it’s simply a natural progression when taking a yoga class a day at different studios with different teachers to have an opinion about them. Some will resonate, some won’t. Some will be inspiring and safe for the body, some won’t. I guess I feel ok in having published my experiences because I wasn’t doing anything out of ill intention, and at the end of the day we all entitled to our opinions and to have a voice.
I chose the classes For the challenge primarily due to my schedule and proximity, and for this reason I wanted to point out that there are a number of great teachers whose classes I really wanted to attend, but was simply unable to in the course of this month. As a result, I took a number of mediocre classes with teachers I had never heard of. I will continue to take as many classes with different teachers as I can manage, but perhaps I will go about choosing the teachers in a more strategic way, for example, visiting teachers I know and love a little more frequently, and finding new teachers based on recommendations rather than choosing names out of a hat. I would also like to return to the classes I didn’t love, knowing that we all have off days.
Signing off for now, thanks for following my little yoga adventure.
Day 30, Lizzie’s 30 Day Yoga Challenge
Technically, today was the last day of the yoga challenge. Headed to Chelsea for Mollie McClelland’s vinyasa class, when I arrived I got signed in and told which studio to go to. There was no mention that the class was being covered by another teacher, so when I saw Gabi teaching, I wasnt sure I had the right studio. After double checking at the desk, they confirmed the class was being covered. It was nice to see Gabi, but in general it’s always better for a student to be told by the front desk when a different teacher than usual is teaching rather than being confused about whether they are in the right place.
Gabi taught a no frills, accessible Jivamukti class in place of Mollie’s ‘vinyasa flow’. While there wasn’t any strong theme, we chanted lokah samastah sukhinoh bhavantu (may all beings be happy, peaceful and free without acception) and the class was peppered with insights about the practice of yoga and how it relates to life off the mat. I got a few good adjustments and by the end of class momentarily felt like I was home while hearing the harmonium and chanting aum; such a small ritual but imbues the practice with so much resonance (for me). Afterwards, I was on time for Anoushka’s Pilates class without rushing.
I was very mindful today of my lack of control of the big picture. I decided not to rush, even if that meant missing one or both planned classes. I saw my time on the mat under Gabi’s guidance as what was meant to be rather that feeling let down that Mollie wasn’t there. Time at home with my son was spent being completely present for him without trying to accomplish any side projects. This level of awareness meant that today I could spend more time in my body with my breath, and I recognise that to do this every day my expectations of myself may have to be lowered. I’m ok with that, for now, anyway.
Day 29, Lizzie’s 30 Day Yoga Challenge
I exchanged my practice time today for a long planned lunch date with family and friends outside of the city where we dined on delicious home cooked Pakistani food. There was no time as the journey was several hours and I taught in the morning. I know, excuses, excuses.
I’m so looking forward to returning to the mat tomorrow, where I plan to go to Mollie McClelland’s class at Triyoga Chelsea. I’ve known Mollie for a few years now but have never had the opportunity to practice with her. Afterwards the plan is to return to Anoushka’s pilates class if the universe allows for it. My body feels very ready to work!
Tomorrow will be the last day of the challenge, but I gather I will continue to try to take new classes whenever I have the chance. With a few exceptions, one of the things I’ve realised is that my general preferences are for the teachers I’ve been practicing with for some time already, but then, that’s probably to be expected. We are creatures of habit and like to know what to expect- most of the time, anyway. More on that in my post on Findings Week 4…
Day 28, Lizzie’s 30 Day Yoga Challenge
For the forth time this week, I’ve been denied engaging actively with my body. The universe is nothing short of blatant in telling me to back off asana practice for now, as much as my preferentially attached mind wants to hit the mat and engage with the physical. Taking from Pema Chōdron’s analogy, I have had an itch (to practice asana), and my mindfulness practice has been becoming aware of that, acknowledging it, and staying with it without scratching. Instead, I’ve surrendered to letting this path unfold.
Today I attended Zhenja’s 4 hour workshop for teachers with the theme of Puja, assuming for there would be an aspect of asana practice as I heard the previous weekends’ workshops with Zhenja were quite asana intensive. Instead, it was a four hour exploration of the concept of puja and the Anusara method for creating puja in a class. It was quite interesting to gain insight into this style of yoga with such a structured framework and language of its own, and valuable as an exercise for creating focus, rationale and sequencing relevant to a class’ esoteric focus.
The best part of the workshop was Zhenja herself. Intelligent, down to earth, authentic and energetic, Zhenja was present throughout the entire workshop as an approachable, passionate, inquisitive yogi, ambassador to the Anusara method and disciple of Jon Friend. There was no posturing, just respect and palpable love. Even towards the end when energy began to drop, Zhenja made her way around to the smaller groups to help regain the focus.
Meanwhile, my experience of Anusara yoga continues to unfold. I’m challenged by the shiny, contemporary packaging of the ancient teachings and practicing reserving judgement…after all, these newer methods are devised in part to articulate the vastness of the history and teachings of yoga in a more approachable way. Watch this space….and tomorrow, the 29the Day of the Yoga Challenge, holds a wild card; let’s see where the practice and the challenge lead me…
Day 27, Lizzie’s 30 Day Yoga Challenge
The universe has been sending me signals this week, and I’m receiving them…maybe unable to interpret them fully, but receiving them nonetheless.
First, the two classes earlier in the week that focused heavily on pranayama. Then yesterday at my regular Rolfing appointment when I showed up very eager for deep bodywork, and my rolfer decided it was the time to instead have a somatic experience session that left my body largely untouched. The idea behind somatic experiencing is that trauma that isn’t fully dealt with emotionally gets left behind in the body, building up over time, even being the catalyst for illness and other physical, mental or emotional problems. Through somatic experiencing one becomes more aware of the physical sensations in the body, ultimately aiding in the letting go of the held traumas.
Today when I was late for the class I planned to take at Triyoga, Leila Sadahee’s class was right under my nose at Indaba – lucky me! Leila, fresh from her trip to Peru, spoke about her time with a shaman in the jungle who sees the human form as a series of shapes based on energetic flow and blockage rather than at face value (no pun intended). The class was focused on yoga as a healing medicine, with the theory that when engaging specific areas of the body this can lead to a shape of health rather than disease. Billed as a hip opening class, it was not immensely challenging physically and not obviously hip-opening, but certainly strengthening with great alignment instruction. To add to this, Leila is a passionate and compassionate teacher who is captivating and charismatic. If you love Anusara but haven’t been to Leila’s class, make the time – this is a special and gifted teacher.
Having said this, of my handful of Anusara classes and workshops I’ve attended so far, none has resonated with me on a deep personal level, despite enjoying the practice. I am planning to go to Zhenja De Rosa’s workshop tomorrow and have heard wonderful things about her, so maybe tomorrow my world will get rocked by Anusara. At the very least, I expect another hint from Ms. Universe soon…
Day 26, Lizzie’s 30 Day Yoga Challenge
The universe is trying to tell me to breathe. Returning to Richard Agar Ward’s class today as a little treat to myself to help me through the last week of the challenge, we spent a half hour practicing viloma pranayama with an image of a embedded circles to represent the expansion of the breath. To prepare for pranayama, we spent an hour practicing downward dog with and without ropes (while on ropes Richard pulled my arms a foot longer forward); sirsasana, supported sarvangasana and halasana. By the time we came to sit, I felt more open in the back thoracic and alert in my mind.
This juxtaposed with Mark’s class on Tuesday, also heavy on pranayama, was an entirely different experience. The simplicity and repetition of the Iyengar class enabled me to focus more easily on the sensations in the body and the breath itself because I felt grounded. While after Mark’s class i felt spacey bordering on unwell, after Today’s class I felt grounded and relaxed. So often in a yoga class, less is more.
Day 25, Lizzie’s 30 Day Yoga Challenge
I used my second ‘self-practice card’ today as scheduling overtook me, though I wasn’t actually alone. My nearly two year old son was with me, which, as you may imagine, changes things immensely.
He’s old enough now that he wants his own mat and tries to mimic downward dog, shalabhasana, lunges and can teach me a few things about virasana alignment. Mainly though, he vacillates between climbing on, running around, and lying under me, bringing books and assorted cars onto my mat (not his), and repeating his first word, ‘yucky’ whenever possible (and it’s always possible). We do manage to fit in some rock and roll navasanas and acroyoga variations, where – go figure – I’m always the base.
Tomorrow I’m going to lose some challenge points as I’ll return to Richard’s class at Iyengar Institute. It’s the only free time I’ll have tomorrow as it turns out, and after today’s toddler yoga, it’s a little gift to myself.
There’s still 5 days left! I would love to see You next to me on the mat! Any class suggestions?
Day 24, Lizzie’s 30 Day Yoga Challenge
I went to class today at the Life Centre, where Mark Hill was covering for Kathy Roberts. A class heavy on pranayama, we practiced samavritti antar kumbhaka and rechaka, agnisara, nadi shodhana and after savasana, 10 minutes of meditation. In between there was trikonasana, Astanga A and B, , virabhadrasana I, janursirsasana and mahamudra, which Mark taught as a version of janursirsasana with inhale and exhale retention. After class, I felt pretty spacey and tired, and ended up cancelling on a private client (which I rarely do) because I felt so trippy.
The class format in itself was a little choppy and felt unbalanced to me – too much pranayama and too little asana; it was billed as a dynamic 2-3 class on the schedule.
Pranayama on an intensive level isn’t to be dabbled with from time to time, or taken too intensively with an unfamiliar group of students. As the Hatha Yoga Pradipika notes, “When the yogi has perfected his asanas he should practice pranayama according to the instructions of his master. With controlled senses he should nourish himself with moderation.” The body needs time and a daily practice to acclimate to these powerful practices, and should ideally be practiced with a teacher whom you know and trust.
The explanation of mahamudra left me perplexed; it was explained as a variation of an asana, specifically, janursirsasana, combined with specific breath techniques. Mark didn’t take the time to explain the word mudra in any depth, and while he did tell us at the beginning of class we would be working up to this posture, mahamudra, he didn’t clarify the difference between the mudra and the asana, or the relationship between the two.
Mark was a kind and encouraging teacher, and the one adjustment I received in downward dog was strong. This said, the pivotal information given to the class, namely, mahamudra and its relationship to the spine (it was mentioned that the cases would focus on the anatomy of the spine) lacked depth, and diluted the importance of these ancient, powerful teachings. I will revisit his class in the spring, as I’ve decided to do with all the classes I’ve taken during the challenge.
Tomorrow’s schedule has changed! I am giving a workshop on yoga and meditation to 35 GPs at St. Mary’s hospital at the time of Sally’s class at Indaba, so another practice wild card. Stay tuned…
Day 23, Lizzie’s 30 Day Yoga Challenge
Going into Anoushka’s class today, I knew what to expect as she is one of my regular weekly classes I go to when not doing the challenge. The best Pilates mat teacher I’ve found in London, Anoushka works with progressive sequencing incorporating asana in with classical Pilates and is hands on and exacting. There is no getting away with an unengaged (insert any bodypart here) in her class.
Unapologetic with those who arrive late, leave early or are too novice to be in a level 3 class, it’s refreshing to now where one stands with a teacher and what to expect. Many of the students in the class are Pilates teachers or trainees, and the class does fill up, so get there well in advance as class starts a few minutes early. I always leave feeling several inches taller and with a glimpse of what could be a waistline.
Tomorrow, Mark Hill covering for Kathy Roberts, 3:45-5:15at the Life Centre Notting Hill. I’m looking forward to yet another new-to-me teacher…
Learnings, Week 3, Lizzie’s 30 Day Yoga Challenge
I’m always struck with how much there is to learn. Writing these posts are in a sense, the most disposable form of content; they are my experiences as seen through the subjective lense of the mind, given to change and shift in any moment; in fact, experiences are nothing but memory and perception, and it’s almost guaranteed to change. Likewise, on any given day a teacher may be going through personal issues, be late or rushed to class for many reasons out of their control, and a yoga studio or members of its staff are inevitably facing their own life situations as well.
One learning from the week is to be more sensitive to the human experience we are all going through, and when feeling let down by a studio or by a teacher (or anyone, for that matter) for what presumably is a legitimate reason, a sensible thing to do is to let the them know in a kind way so they can rectify it if they care. In short, not assuming people know what your expectations are, and being gracious when giving feedback. The optimal time to give feedback, or course, is when asked. Triyoga does a discreet job requesting feedback by leaving forms in the changing rooms, where people may feel more at ease to give honest feedback.
It could be that the biggest learning of the week is that a key to giving a good class as a teacher is to be honest without being too heavy handed; to find the humour whatever the situation, to let go, and to trust that the knowledge and compassion for others is there.
The best classes I’ve taken so far have been with teachers who have exposed themselves, who have been authentic and generous with their personality. This seems to come with the comfort of the confidence in knowing what one is doing – esse quam videri – to be and not to seem (my high school’s motto).
This is especially poignant for me given that as a teacher I’ve been getting that very feedback – to have more fun, to not be so serious while teaching. For me that’s a challenge as I don’t consider myself to be a funny person, especially not in a group. I was born into a family of subjective thinkers. When we hear the word ‘black’, we think the word ‘charcoal’ instead of ‘white’, the answer most people would give…but I digress.
The other learning for the week is to listen to my body and not expect to have boundless energy like I did in my 20′s. Whether its because I’m getting on 40, a relatively new mum or because I’m blessed with an imperfect body that (I like to think) keeps me humble, practicing yoga is all about being content with what is going on in the present, not with what we could do 10 years ago or what we might do in the future or under a different set of circumstances, but being here now, having some faith that everything is as it should be.
I’m looking forward to these last days of the challenge and seeing what else comes up, and how I can actively continue to learn with each practice…and maybe even learn how to lighten up along the way (without having to resort to poopy jokes which works pretty well at home)…
